Highly Sensitive People

What does it mean to be highly sensitive? For those among us who identify as highly sensitive people (HSP) and for those who are highly sensitive but are unaware that such a phenomenon exists — it is likely that you understand on some level that to be sensitive is both a gift and a struggle.

I remember when I first learnt about this trait and its prevalence, and so much of my life experience began to take on new meaning. It is emboldening and validating to be able to claim for yourself something you have always known but not had the language for. Through reading about this trait — much like in therapy — someone was making explicit for me what had been implicit all my life. Not only could I use this lens to better understand myself but I began to sense it in people around me. I could put my finger on what it was that drew me to other HSPs and what made me curious about their experience.

To give you an idea of some of the advantages bestowed on people born with high sensitivity, you might notice in them an ability to perceive subtle changes or differences, creativity and passion, deep empathy, investment in social movements (such as social justice or environmental conservation), conscientiousness, risk aversion, considered decision making and finally, deep and meaningful connections to others and to their environments.

According to Elaine Aron, the defining features of highly sensitive people are a depth of processing, over arousability, emotional intensity and sensory sensitivity. And herein lies the challenge: HSPs have what has been described as “thin skin”. They are more affected by harmful environments in childhood, they are wounded by perceived rejection and they may have trouble managing overwhelming emotions, experience overstimulation and exhaustion, have a lower stress threshold and suffer from low self-esteem.

As you would imagine, these phenomena create challenges for HSPs, who will usually seek out psychotherapy because they want support in at least one of these domains. The good news is that these difficulties can be managed with various approaches such as mindfulness, meditation, emotional regulation strategies, learning how to set boundaries in relationships and thinking creatively about work, interpersonal and other life demands. The therapeutic relationship can help a person learn how to live with high sensitivity, and begin to recognize the value it can bring to their life.

As a therapist working from a feminist, strengths based perspective — I am attuned to the strengths and unique qualities people possess which may not be immediately obvious to them or to the people around them. When I work with highly sensitive people, I seek to explore the power of a trait which is not very well understood, despite it being prevalent in approximately 20% of the population.

Another aspect of working with highly sensitive people through a feminist lens involves understanding their challenges from a systems perspective and re-framing them within the broader social and cultural context. In western cultures, being highly sensitive and introverted are ways of being-in-the-world that are undervalued and yet, in other cultures around the world, they are appreciated. It is with deep conviction that I state the following: being sensitive brings about challenges not because it is inherently flawed but because of the discomfort - and at times the shame- associated with being highly sensitive and introverted in our society.

HSPs often believe they are “too shy”, “too sensitive” or “too emotional”; they disclose an assumption that there is something wrong with them because they feel and experience so strongly. These beliefs and negative self-image have been formed by the people in their social worlds — usually beginning in childhood. It is a message they have also internalized from society more broadly because they typically don’t possess qualities like confidence, self-assurance and certainty which are desirable in Western cultures.

Attributes like confidence and extraversion typically afford people advantages both in social contexts and in the workplace — because they can make themselves heard and visible and make connections more easily. In order for HSPs to thrive, they must learn to adapt to a world that does not properly understand — much less value — their lived experience and what they have to offer. This begins with HSPs understanding the value of their gift, and what has and will continue to set them apart. This process of making sense of their experiences begins in therapy and with the right therapist, clients can move towards understanding as well as learning self-love and compassion for their sensitivity.