Relational trauma

At Self and Other, we understand that relationships have a profound impact on a person’s emotional wellbeing. This is especially true of primary attachment relationships, such as those with parents and caregivers. When someone’s early connections are rife with ongoing challenges—like abuse, neglect, betrayal, or inconsistent parenting—they may experience relational trauma. Often, this includes long-term impacts on individuals’ self-esteem, emotional regulation, and sense of safety.

Relational Trauma and Attachment Theory

Relational trauma is best understood within the context of attachment theory. Developed by John Bowlby and expanded on by Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory underscores the importance of early caregiver-child relationships and the vital role these connections play in emotional and psycho-social development. Bowlby and Ainsworth’s decades of research demonstrates that when a caregiver is chronically unresponsive to a child’s needs, the young person can struggle to develop a secure attachment style. Instead, they may develop an anxious, avoidant, or disorganized attachment pattern.

For example, if someone’s primary caregiver was frequently misattuned to their needs—and/or had an inconsistent approach to parenting—that person may form an anxious attachment style. For many, this can mean experiencing an intense fear of abandonment, overwhelming jealousy, or a dependence on others to meet their emotional needs.

Similarly, someone with an avoidant attachment style may have had a parent who consistently discouraged emotional expression. Long-term, this person might avoid sharing their thoughts or emotions and have a hard time opening up to others, even in their closest relationships.

By helping clients understand challenges like these in the context of early attachment, we can identify and address how they manifest in present day relationships.

Healing from Relational Trauma

Self and Other clinicians utilize relational psychotherapy to help clients explore early attachment relationships and their long-term impact. By examining formative relational dynamics we support clients as they contextualize current challenges and recognize how old ways of coping may no longer serve their needs. Our therapists attend to the strengths, resources, and resilience of people who have experienced trauma, helping them move beyond unhelpful patterns and work toward building healthier and more satisfying relationships.