The Introvert's Guide to Thriving in an Extroverted World

Seattle can be a haven for introverted people. Those seeking quiet feel belonging in a place where people are more socially reserved and respectful of others’ personal space and they enjoy recharging over the long, slow winters which allow time for solitude and introspection. More broadly though, being an introvert in our society is not easy.

Defining Introversion

What exactly does it mean to be an introvert, and why is this trait under-valued? Like many psychological constructs, it is helpful to see introvert and extrovert characteristics as existing on a spectrum. Some people identify themselves as “ambivert”, in that they embody and experience features of both. Many popular definitions of introversion revolve around a single quality: do you feel drained (as opposed to energized) in social settings? Over time, personality tests have been expanded to include other facets.

In the standard NEO-P-IR measure, facets that measure extroversion and introversion include warmth, gregariousness, assertiveness, excitement seeking, positive emotion and activity level. Carl Jung had a special interest in introverted personalities, and emphasized the retreat into the internal world and life as compared to extraverts who tended to neglect the private sphere in favor of external relationships. Dwelling in the inner world means more time reflecting and introspecting and usually a richer fantasy life and imagination. Reflecting on the complexity within these traits is helpful because it allows introverts to develop self-awareness and to identify meaningful parts of the trait for themselves. And yet, introverts (people who score low on these facets) often feel misrepresented by these features and the language used to describe introvert qualities.

Cultural Shifts

Hearing people label themselves as a “recovering introvert” or “trained extrovert” serves as a reminder of how skewed our attitudes towards these traits really are. And yet, there haven’t always been negative associations with introversion. In her book Quiet, Susan Cain writes that historically people were judged by their virtues; a person would be judged on qualities like integrity and honor and whether they did good for others privately (and not for public recognition). She tracks a shift from the “culture of character” to “the culture of personality” that began towards the end of the 19th century and endures in the present day.

The extrovert ideal is understood to be predominant in countries like America, Australia and New Zealand. In these cultures, being assertive and bold with high sociability is desirable and not being this way typically renders a person misunderstood or at a disadvantage. However, there are other parts of the world where introvert qualities have been socially advantageous. In her book The Highly Sensitive Person, Elaine Aron explains how one study found that sensitive, introverted personality types in China were deemed more popular (in a study of school children). Interestingly, in Mandarin the word sensitive translates to “having understanding” and quiet means “good or well behaved”. The way that personality traits are framed and communicated in research literature as well as in popular culture influences how people identify and relate to important aspects of their self-hood.

Navigating the Workplace

Social and group settings can be challenging for introverts, though not because of their lack of desire to connect. In large meetings, open plan offices and shared spaces there is a level of stimulation that is not optimal for creativity and productivity for people who are quiet, reflective and need time to process. In her book Quiet, Cain describes a phenomenon of collaborative work and institutional organization called the “New Groupthink”, which stems from a belief that collaboration (not working alone) produces greater success and creativity. Collaboration permeates many aspects of the modern work environment, from the number of meetings scheduled to our dependence on office communication tools and the open plan office design.

As an introvert, it is easy to name the pitfalls associated with elevating the importance of team work over independent work. There are also a number of study findings which make a case for allowing more personal space and independence in the workplace. Firstly, Cain cites a study called the “Coding wars”, in which researchers found that top performing software engineers were those afforded more privacy, personal space, control over their environment time alone and had fewer disruptions. Surprisingly, this performance gap did not correlate to years of experience.

Another study by Fink and Neubauer (2008) — focusing on creativity — found that introverts with the highest levels of brain activation (cortical arousal) produced the least original ideas. We know that introverts experience an uncomfortable level of central nervous system arousal in loud, socially intrusive settings, and knowing their capacity for creative thought and expression is compromised affirms that they would benefit from more quiet time.

As a quiet or introverted person it can be hard to advocate for yourself and make your needs and preferences explicit at work, but it is important to find ways around these limitations because non sensitive, extraverted co-workers and managers will not always be mindful of your preferences. Introverts may seek out roles, industries and arrangements that allow for quieter working conditions, periods of solitude and manageable working relationships. Others must endure less-than-ideal conditions, but in these cases there may be opportunities to ask for work from home days or shorter shifts, they might find work close to home to avoid commuting or work swing shifts to allow for a quiet commute home. Some might seek out desk space in the corner of an open plan office or choose to have lunch at their desk for an hour of uninterrupted work, or opt for wearing headphones to protect themselves against intrusive chatter and noise.

Self-Acceptance in a Rejecting Culture

We have a dearth of introverts in culturally influential places who demonstrate their gifts and offer a counterweight to the extrovert ideal. It is not as though introverts don’t exist within spheres of power and influence, it is because by their nature they are not as gregarious and therefore more inclined to fly under the radar. The consequence of this is that we don’t often have the chance to reflect on how introvert qualities are valuable, or to see what they contribute compared to extroverts who are more comfortable with self promotion.

Introverts are at risk of being misunderstood in a culture that idealizes extroversion— and the way introvert qualities are publicized and talked about matters if we hope to challenge stereotypes and mis-perceptions. They get called cold, distant, misanthropic, shut-off or snobby, and being introverted may even be read as shy or socially anxious. I often have to remind people that introversion is not a pathology or a personality flaw, though it can feel like a burden at times because extraversion has come to represent the cultural ideal and influences a person’s self-worth and status both socially and professionally.

Learning how to talk to others about your trait, asking for what you need in work and social relationships and internalizing more compassion towards your introverted self will ultimately create space for others to begin to notice your strengths. Some introverts out there may already know the value of their trait. But for many out there, there is still a way to go before reaching a place of deeper self understanding and acceptance.